flyoverhere

whatever is on my mind….

a new chapter….


Madison Woods, Friday Fictioneers photo prompt.  The challenge is to write 100 words inspired by the photo.  Come join the fun!  Click on this link to find out all about it.

http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/flash-fiction/desolation/

Photo credit belongs to Douglas McIlroy

She turned, taking one last look at home in the far away distance, knowing it would be the last glimpse of the only life she had ever known.  Her father had taken two goats in exchange for her.

Crossing Flat Top mountain had been difficult.  She, a flat lander unaccustomed to the cold and altitude, breath freezing as she exhaled, shivered.  One more mountain, he said.  She looked at her new husband wondering who he really was.

Her new home came into view, lush and green in the valley below.

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48 Comments

  1. The last line felt like a glimpse of hope. Nicely done.

    Here’s mine: http://thebradleychronicles.wordpress.com/2012/05/30/flash-fiction-friday-an-addiction/

  2. Very nice. I hope, for her, that her life is nicer than she seems to be expecting. Nice ending! Here’s mine:http://theforgottenwife.com/2012/05/30/friday-fictioneers-1-june-2012-the-conquerer/

  3. TheOthers1

    For the briefest moment, I was very worried for her. There was also the impression of a world I know nothing about. Man, I’d like to think I’d be worth more than 2 goats, but then again maybe 2 goats is a lot. I enjoyed this piece.

    My attempt: http://unduecreativity.wordpress.com/2012/05/31/the-beautiful-hush/

    • Thanks for the flyby! I don’t know how much two goats is worth either but that is just what went through my brain onto the keyboard. Glad you enjoyed it. Headed out to read yours.

  4. I like this. Ending on a note of hope. Nothing like mine which is a bit depressing in comparison. http://marilynkaydennis.wordpress.com/2012/06/01/madison-woods-friday-fictioneers-waiting/ if you want to take a look.

    • Just came back from your blog. Loved your take on the pic prompt, left my comment there. Thanks for the flyby, glad you liked it!

    • My reply to you keeps disappearing but here goes again. Glad you liked it and thank for the visit! I left a comment at yours and really enjoyed it!

  5. This is a nice take on the prompt, and liked how u worked in the goats in exchange for a girl..love clues like that in stories 🙂

    http://writersclubkl.wordpress.com/2012/06/01/friday-fictioneers-monochrome-silence/

    • Thank you for the flyby! Thank for the input. I really don’t know what goats are worth, it just went through my brain to the keyboard and that is what I wound up with. Loved your piece too!

  6. The ending was a lovely counterpoint to the start which had a tinge of fear and trepidation to it. Very nice indeed.

    Here’s mine too: http://womanontheedgeofreality.com/2012/06/01/friday-fictioneers-too-near-the-sun/

    • Thanks Linda! Nice to hear the emotions came through.

      • You’re welcome 🙂

  7. Although I’m not into the two-goats-for-a-bride thing, you captured the trepidation of someone in that situation perfectly. I can feel her fear, then I can feel her hope as she sees the valley. Nice job of packing so many conflicting emotions, which we can experience, in so short a space.

    Here’s mine, similar, yet very different: http://unspywriter.wordpress.com/friday-fictioneers/expendable/

    • The two goats thing was my attempt to set the time frame to an era long past perhaps in a foreign land, at least that was what was in my head. I am glad her emotions were captured. Thanks for the input!

  8. Hm two goats! in some part of my country Ghana, the dowry is cattle, the number depending on the wealth of the suitor. A fine story. Mine is here: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/06/01/fridayfictioneers-my-pilot/

    • Thank you! The two goats thingy may have been a mistake but at least it has produced a lot of good input. I am headed over to yours now.

  9. I like this! You capture her uncertainty and hope so well. And of course, she still doesn’t know anything about this man, only that the place he’s taking her to looks prosperous. A nice vignette, or the beginning of a longer story.

    My version – http://newpillowbook.wordpress.com/2012/06/01/friday-fictioneers-caravan/

    • Glad you liked it. The story has begun to expand in my head, hopefully I will get it on paper!

  10. Brandon Scott

    I don’t know whether to be happy for her or be afraid for her. I guess that all depends on what happens once they reach the valley. As we all know, looks can be deceiving.

    http://authorbrandonscott.wordpress.com/2012/05/31/be-warned/

    • Yes looks can be deceiving. Thanks for letting me know your thoughts!

  11. This is a strong portrait, and her terse husband is as much a mystery to us as he is to her. You carried it off really well, capturing the feeling nicely — and made it feel like I was walking right along with them. Great!

    Brian (Mine’s here: http://pinionpost.com/2012/06/01/gradens-climb/)

    • Thanks for the good review! Glad you enjoyed it, I am humbled by the compliment!

  12. You painted a picture that has been the fate of countless women down through the ages. And yet they endured and the evidence is all around us. Wonderful story and perfect for the prompt.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    http://ironwoodwind.wordpress.com/2012/06/01/poliahu-at-dawn/

    • Thanks so much for the critique Doug. I am both humbled and flattered. I really have never tried my hand at fiction in a story format so I am encouraged that I amy be able to actually write something someone would want to read!

  13. good story 🙂 great job.

  14. Great imagination here and a unique train of thought. Nice job

  15. i hope for her sake, it works out. neeeever know until it’s too late.

    http://brainsnorts.wordpress.com/2012/06/01/fridayfictioneers-61-via-madison-woods/

    • Perhaps I will complete the story one day? Thanks for the flyby!!!

      • flying by as many as possible now. was up til 1:30 this morning reading until i was toooo tired.

  16. Thankfully, her new home is lush and green. It’s unfortunate that some women given into marriage for livestock as if in a barter trade system.

    My link: http://logo-ligi.com/2012/06/01/the-standpoint/

  17. I enjoyed your story.
    Here is a story that is just the beginning – we can only wonder about what might have happened next.

    Here is mine:
    http://mjshorts.wordpress.com/2012/06/01/missing-treasures-a-100-word-story/

  18. A concise but evocative portrait that lets us feel for her, rather than her doing the feeling for us. I do hope she got the better part of the bargain. Goats can be pretty mean, after all.

    Kathy
    http://notforallmarkets.wordpress.com/2012/06/02/690/

    • I have been thinking about the rest of the story…..

  19. A good story with a happier ending. Hope she is happy in her new home with new husband.
    Reminds me a little of stories from back in the 1800s I’ve read where poor families would ‘exchange’ or ‘trade’ their children for animals they could eat or use in producing food if they were starving or trying to survive in the U.S. And, It is still a reality too in some third world countries, I’m sure.

    • Thanks for stopping in Joyce! I really love hearing what everyone thinks!

  20. I like your story FOH. Very well done.

  21. Hi there. This was a very well told, true to sad life tale. I just have one little pointer. Your punctuation is perfect after the first sentence, but you need two of those wonderful commas in your very first sentence to make it read perfectly, like this: “She turned, taking one last look at home in the far away distance, knowing it would be the last glimpse of the only life she had ever known.”
    Otherwise, your story was wonderful!
    Lindaura
    and for those who have not seen mine yet, here it is:
    http://fictionvictimtoo.blogspot.com

    • Thank you so much, I am no good at punctuation and really appreciate the help! That’s why I am enjoying this challenge every week.

  22. Madison Woods

    After a rocky start your mc arrived at hope. I liked that. Thanks for joining us and I hope you’ll be back again this week!

    • Thanks, glad you liked it! I am looking forward to my 4th challenge this week and love all the different inspirations that come from the same prompt! Plus getting to know what others think about what is written.

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