whatever is on my mind….

Yesterday Mom said, “No more”….

Today we will meet with Mom‘s doctors.  Yesterday she refused radiation treatments and I found out that ‘the break’ they had given her was a result of her refusing treatment, all last week when they would take her back to the radiation room where I was no allowed to be.  She has not said anything to me and I was very surprised when the radiation doctor’s nurse came and told me what had been going on.  The doctors will meet with us today to try to convince her to complete the 10 treatments left.

I don’t know what the ‘right thing’ really is, or even if I will have any control or influence of the outcome.  Mom is miserable, extremely weak and very sick from the treatments.  Her face is scorched from the radiation and I think she is beginning to lose her hair in places.  She refuses to eat and will barely drink enough of the nutrition supplement to keep her hydrated much less provide what her body needs to function.  The harder I try to make sure she drinks the supplement the more she resists.

I have watched so many folks go through similar situations.  Mom’s sister was in a nursing home the last two years of her life unable to leave her bed.  My mother-in-law has been in the nursing home going on 3 years, I think, I lose count.  She doesn’t converse really she just barely speaks.  I think she wants to but the words just won’t come out.  When visiting the nursing home almost everyone is the same.  Both my grandmothers died in nursing homes and were miserable.  Watching people you love hurting and not being able to help is, well it’s just sad.

This morning as I am wondering how to handle Mom’s situation, the thought came to me that maybe I should take up sky diving, bungee jumping, crocodile hunting or buy a Harley.  Waiting till I become too sick to enjoy living is not the way I want to leave this world.   The truth is though we don’t get to choose the circumstances of our birth or death and I pray that whatever the future holds, that my family won’t be left feeling helpless.  That’s kinda silly too, how can any of us avoid that feeling when we know the time is short or over for those we love.

Grace and Peace to deal with life’s sadness and to find joy in today and thank God we have it!



  1. My mother and her sisters had a tough time with my grandfather. He simply refused to be helped, and the harder they tried to get him to eat or drink, the more stubborn he became. Mom finally had to convince my sisters to let him be, and once that happened, my grandfather was more amiable to “suggestions”.

    It’s tricky. I hope and pray your mother makes the right decision.

  2. Thanks Y, I have stepped back from trying to make sure she eats and just make sure what she needs is available. Independence is important to everyone.

  3. Don’t have any sage words to offer you. I continue in prayer for you, your Mother and your entire family. The only decision I was in position to make for either of my parents was to take Mom off life-support. I was blessed in that Mom and I had discussed this at length. She was an RN and was very specific about this issue. My husband person and I have also had this talk and I know what to do and so does he. Does not make it easy, does it?

    You are an incredibly strong person, foh. Thanx so much for sharing your experience and heart with the rest of us.

  4. Thank you Mrs. AL for the comfort and support!

  5. thedrpete

    I will pray for you today, FOH.

  6. Linda

    I was in a similar situation with my Mom. She went to heaven 7 years ago last month. My sorrow and pain was excruciating and almost too much to bare, I thought, at the time.

    I cried for days and days and then I promptly got the flu. I think it was my body’s way of saying “I can’t deal with this”. I wasn’t ready for her to go and never would have been.

    Job 14:5 says ” You have decided the length of our lives. You know how many months we will live, and we are not given a minute longer.” (NLT) When I read that, I knew that He is in charge of our days and has all of them numbered. That scripture gives me much comfort. He is in charge.

    Recently, I was praying about a family member’s health. I asked God to please make him well and keep him healthy for his family. It seems that he is too young to die. I begged God to strengthen him and not let his family suffer without him. After my prayer, I heard a little voice in my head. It said, ” I’ll take him at just the right time”. That gave me much comfort too. He knows our lives, our story, our family, our situations. He knows when to take us. And he takes us just at the right time.

    Whether she takes the treatment or not, He is in charge. She and your family are in my prayers. I pray for comfort and healing for her.

    Love you girl,

    • I love that scripture and it is very comforting. So glad that I do not have to be in charge. The prayers are a wonderful comfort too.

  7. It breaks my heart to read, this but I know there is a rainbow after the storm. You and your family are in our prayers. Your strength is inspiring!

    • appreciate your prayers and concern, thank you…

  8. FOH,

    My deepest sympathies. I watched my granny die in a nursing home and it was pitiful. I try to go with live for today, because we are promised no tomorrows. If we live our lives correctly, there is a wonderful reward waiting on the side as our Savior allows us entry into his Father’s home and that last forever.

    • those are the promises that keep me going, thanks Dave…

  9. FOH,

    My heart breaks for you. I know what you are going through having lost my mother 10 years ago and I still miss her. Like Linda said above, the sorrow and pain were devastating for me. Then, somehow I picked myself back up and went on, but it was not easy. God gives us the strength when we think we have none left.

    If your Mother wants to give up, then that shall be. She probably knows a nursing home is a terrible place most of the time and does not want to go there but to die in dignity and more quickly than you imagined. It appears she has made up her mind on this and she and God will work it together. We have no control over this. And that is hard.

    FOH, I found peace in prayer and poems when my son died so I am going to leave this for you tonight.

    Native American Prayer

    I give you this one thought to keep —

    I am with you still – I do not sleep.

    I am a thousand winds that blow,

    I am the diamond glints on snow,

    I am the sunlight on ripened grain,

    I am the gentle autumn rain.

    When you awaken in the morning’s hush,

    I am the swift, uplifting rush

    of quiet birds in circled flight.

    I am the soft stars that shine at night.

    Do not think of me as gone –

    I am with you still – in each new dawn.

    God bless you and keep you strong Flyoverhere.

    • That is a beautiful verse pepper. Thank you.

  10. willibeaux

    FW! Thank you for sharing your family’s difficult situation. My youngest sister (75) had cancer surgery on her arm. After intense chemo treatments, she suffers from an inner chill that forces her to wear layers and layers of wool clothes to get warm.

    She had to have thyroid surgery and the surgeon operated in the wrong area.

    She refuses any more surgery or chemo.

    Will the radiation treatment help your Mom or will it do more harm?

    Lorraine and I will pray that God will guide all of you in the days ahead.

    • willibeaux thanks to both of you. The doctors say that it is helping shrink the cancer. Yesterday they talked to her and made some adjustments on the mask she has to wear during radiation treatment and numbed her mouth a little and she was able to tolerate it. We will see if that lasts…

      You and Lorraine are very sweet wonderful people. Thank you for your prayers!

  11. privbullright

    FOH, My prayers to you and your family. And He is close when we make these decisions, and that is when He is working harder. There is comfort in knowing you are doing the right thing.

    • Thanks privbullright…the comfort that comes from knowing people are praying is tremendous.

  12. privbullright

    FOH, Those words ‘no more’ sound so familiar to me. It sure does cause you to take notice.

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