Yesterday Mom said, “No more”….
Today we will meet with Mom‘s doctors. Yesterday she refused radiation treatments and I found out that ‘the break’ they had given her was a result of her refusing treatment, all last week when they would take her back to the radiation room where I was no allowed to be. She has not said anything to me and I was very surprised when the radiation doctor’s nurse came and told me what had been going on. The doctors will meet with us today to try to convince her to complete the 10 treatments left.
I don’t know what the ‘right thing’ really is, or even if I will have any control or influence of the outcome. Mom is miserable, extremely weak and very sick from the treatments. Her face is scorched from the radiation and I think she is beginning to lose her hair in places. She refuses to eat and will barely drink enough of the nutrition supplement to keep her hydrated much less provide what her body needs to function. The harder I try to make sure she drinks the supplement the more she resists.
I have watched so many folks go through similar situations. Mom’s sister was in a nursing home the last two years of her life unable to leave her bed. My mother-in-law has been in the nursing home going on 3 years, I think, I lose count. She doesn’t converse really she just barely speaks. I think she wants to but the words just won’t come out. When visiting the nursing home almost everyone is the same. Both my grandmothers died in nursing homes and were miserable. Watching people you love hurting and not being able to help is, well it’s just sad.
This morning as I am wondering how to handle Mom’s situation, the thought came to me that maybe I should take up sky diving, bungee jumping, crocodile hunting or buy a Harley. Waiting till I become too sick to enjoy living is not the way I want to leave this world. The truth is though we don’t get to choose the circumstances of our birth or death and I pray that whatever the future holds, that my family won’t be left feeling helpless. That’s kinda silly too, how can any of us avoid that feeling when we know the time is short or over for those we love.
Grace and Peace to deal with life’s sadness and to find joy in today and thank God we have it!